a few months ago, we found out we were pregnant. A complete
shock to us...we weren't trying and one little mishap with the pill and we saw two little lines, on lots of sticks.
My hubby was excited...he was ready and willing. I, was in shock, and I cried
LOTS.
(The hormones were in full motion!) The cries of
'why did this happen?' and '
I was just completely happy with my 3 little ones'!! After a week, I came to terms with it and prayed, Lord, you've got this! And felt peace...
A day later, I miscarried.
My 'due date' is coming up...tax day.
Lots of friends I know are getting pregnant and having babies...
I didn't think I would be having weird feelings...
I was actually relieved.
I felt selfish. And I still feel selfish! Why would I want that to not happen?
How could I be happy with that outcome? Months later, I think I'm mourning the loss...I've had a miscarriage before when our Cole was just 2 years old...we were trying, and I was devastated!
I said to my close friends that I'm okay with the outcome, that I felt like it was a conformation with my heart, knowing I'd be okay if we were done, that I'm ready to close that chapter...and I truly believed that. I still do...
Just some thoughts wondering about that baby...and if we ever really truly feel 'done'.